Protect Yourself At Christmas

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I wrote a post a couple of weeks ago, about Beating the Scammer. We get lost sometimes when we shop online. We feel we have a goldmine of opportunity and everything is so easy accessible.

Well so is you. Never think that as human beings we are invisible, because we are not.

I have had my accounts hacked into and have had money taken from me online, and it is like you fear no where is safe.

Why? Why me?

Then I looked at my information, my passwords and what I was putting out there.

As a YouTuber I do feel that it is my duty to be responsible online and protect myself and others around me. So I take precautions not to give too much information about myself away. That isn’t hiding. That is different.

The amount of people I see posting maps of where they are.

I am like. NO, STOP AND THINK.

I read an article online a while back and it asked a really good question, which was.

If you were asked to stand in the middle of the street, with a billboard around you with all your information, your name, date of birth, address, credit card numbers and telephone numbers, would you do it?

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Image from: http://www.beyondcliches.com

Of course not, so why do we reveal so much about ourselves online?

You may think I am being hypocritical as I do share pictures online, and share videos on YouTube, and I have revealed a lot in the past, but then my mum pulled me up on it and it had bitten back at me, when someone tried to send a load of spam mail using my Twitter account. I felt suddenly exposed, when initially what I was posting I thought was innocent, but obviously made it easy for someone to hack into my information.

I reported it, I now change my passwords regularly and never reveal too much.

It is okay to share experiences, items purchased, room tours, planner ideas, but I don’t share my date of birth or any naked photos of my son, as I do think as a mum I have to protect my son and be responsible. I think those types of images can end up in the wrong hands, and I don’t share my address, bank details or exactly where I live.

There is just some information people don’t need to know about

The one thing I don’t do any more, is show a map of where I am. I may post a picture after visiting somewhere, but not before. I was like so many doing so, putting a map of where I am , but then after hearing a lady at work speaking to her daughter she made a real valid point, and it rang alarm bells.

Why advertise where you are when you don’t know who is reading that information and you are advertising to people you are not at home and that your house is empty?

When you post a map online, you are advertising that you are not at home, so professional burglars and scammers who may also be seeing this information, may seek an opportunity.

It can happen, it has happened, so do not let it happen to you.

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I like posting pictures of places I have been, but I don’t do a map of where I am, because with the internet you have no idea who is reading that information. It is good for memories to look back on, and for my son, but also to protect him, so I don’t give too much detail of where I am away. I keep it as brief as possible.

When purchasing tickets online, never buy from a private seller.

My cousin did this, and it turned out that the tickets had already been used. Always buy online from the attraction, or from places like Daysoutguide, Groupon, Virgin Experiences, Red Letter Days, Buyagift.com for example, as,

private sellers are usually out to get one thing, and that’s your money. 

You would never start displaying your purse about and what’s inside, so stop and protect it from online private sellers.

The other thing is, when buying items on EBay  or ETSY  check where they are from and the material. It may look good in a photo, but that is because they want to sell it to you.

Check beforehand and definitely check reviews of the seller. 

A lot of scammers love these sites for buying and selling, as it is an opportunity for them to catch you off guard, so protect yourself

When selling, take a photo of the item and write down the condition, keep a record. When sending out a package, package it securely with bubble wrap and a box for heavy items, writing fragile on top, and send via recorded delivery. I know that is extra cost, but at least you know that the recipient has to sign for it at there end and you can keep track of the delivery. 

So be vigilant and careful. Still enjoy your festive season of cheer, but protect yourself at the same time.

Many thanks for reading,

 

Carrie X

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Beat the scammer

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There is nothing worse. When it happens boy is it painful. It may not be a physical pain, but an emotional heavy on the heart and gut pain. The money you had saved has been literally taken away from you.

You are like, why didn’t I not see it. 

Those who scam are clever, they know what words to use to capture the person’s attention and they plot. Never think that the person didn’t know what he was doing or is stupid.

With all the names you wish to call those who scam, stupid is not one. They are clever, they know when to hit at the right time, and would have been planning the scheme for ages.

Image below is from the website Gadget Mill:

http://gadgetmill.co.uk/how-i-got-my-money-back-after-getting-scammed-online/

Click link above which talks about being scammed on the internet.

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With the internet and everything being so easily accessible we can be putty in the scammers hands.

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Image above from: https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/volokh-conspiracy/wp/2015/08/22/a-warning-about-government-warnings/

Never let your guard down. Now we are coming up to Christmas the scammers will be waiting.

When it happens it can make us feel so vulnerable and that no one can be trusted. It can feel like someone is trying to take our castles away we are trying to build, because all they want is your money.

Before I buy anything online I check to see if the padlock symbol is there and I don’t buy any items via PayPal anymore as money was taken due to someone hacking into my details.

If I buy an item on EBay then I do so by using my debit card and as a guest. I no longer use my accounts. You can easily as the seller, be scammed by those who bid on your items too.

Check out the video below by KLEANTRIX of him unboxing what he had purchased on Ebay. It was supposed to be an IPhone.

The next video is of an item that was purchased from the buyer and sent back. I wonder if you can guess what the scam is. Video by Bigboy316

Those who scam are not afraid to throw punches or what or how they scam. If they can get your money or in the above case buy something for you, returning not what was sent out, then it is about the item they can get from you to then probably sell onto someone else.

My husband recently bought an Xbox from Amazon. It was only £20, but guess what?

He got it all set up and the disc draw doesn’t open. Surprise surprise. So now we have a device which we would love to use but can’t.

Since first writing this blog, we have managed to fix this problem and can now use it, but it has to have a disc in the draw all the time for it to open. MADNESS!

When my husband and I went to Tenerife for our honeymoon in September 2006, some guy approached us to take part in a scratchcard competition. It was only a quid, so we did two.

Next thing we know we won.

EVERYONE’S A WINNER

So we thought okay fine, we will to go to his office to collect our award and then be on our way. YEAH RIGHT!

We were drawn into buying a Timeshare Membership, paying over £300 as a deposit and then we had to pay the rest by direct debit or instalments.

With the deposit you paid and the monthly costs  you supposedly paid, gave you entitlement to stay in free 5 star hotels, a shopping card and vouchers.

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Image from: http://likesuccess.com/topics/27454/too-good-to-be-true

Afterwards my husband and I were going over what just happened. “Had we done the right thing?” I then after coming back from holiday spoke to my mum, who was on holiday at the same time and did the same thing. They had a terrible time, with really bad accommodation and other holiday makers became a nightmare, so they were desperate to move from their original hotel booked. They had joined a similar scheme but they got to move to a more luxury hotel as long as they paid to do the Timeshare experience.

We then looked into it, and saw that there had been a big campaign on it. The BBC TV Programme Watchdog did a feature on it.

They listed all the companies who were doing the Timeshare offers, who was good and bad.

Looking down I saw the company we had gone with.

IT WAS IN THE BAD LIST

Lucky on the Watchdog website it gave details of how to report them and had a template document giving details of how to cancel with the company.

It meant we would lose our £300 deposit, as they didn’t funny enough have a cooling off period, but no more money would be taken.

When thinking about it, it was so clever the way it all appeared to be at the time, so legit.

They were indeed a Timeshare company and yes you would stay at free accommodation, but reading reports from other holidaymakers who had been drawn into the same thing, the hotels were mostly “The Hotel Of Horrors” so no way 5 star and people had issues with the shopping cards where stores hadn’t heard of them, so they couldn’t be used.

It was all done in an office with desks and computers and you got talking to one guy who went through it all, what the timeshare included, and then another guy who was the so called manager to seal the deal.

click here on this link of an example of this type of scam by so called Timeshare companies,

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/personalfinance/money-saving-tips/11496625/Return-of-the-timeshare-The-bargain-holiday-where-you-cant-leave-the-hotel.html

The one thing learned from that experience, was it taught me a massive lesson. Now when I am approached in the street by any sales person I will always be polite and say no.

It is hard to tell from the legit to the fraudster so it is best to stay clear. If it is a good product then to be honest you wouldn’t need to approach anyone, as they would come to you.

When buying online especially electrical or very expensive products, buy on sale from reputable retailers. Never a private seller.

So to fight back, beat the scammer don’t let them beat you.

Many thanks for reading,

 

Carrie X

My Return

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It has been a while since I wrote a blog on this site. Sometimes when you feel that you need to step back in order to add more, it is time to do more soul searching and learn from others.

There were still some things I needed to work on for myself.

Since creating this blog, I started creating videos on YouTube talking about Self Confidence as to build a better foundation and future, you do have to address certain issues.

Please see my last video I did about Self Confidence talking about Relationships.

I apologise I hadn’t followed on doing any videos about my relationship with my husband as I was going to do some videos to celebrate my 10 year wedding anniversary but other family events took over.

However I will do more. I think when you find a good relationship with people, your writing like me, family and other things in your life, it can be a juggling act to maintain a good stable relationship, but for me it is all about compromising and prioritising. What is more important? Cleaning or helping my son with his development? for example.

It doesn’t mean that you won’t get that cleaning done, it just means that you will when it is a good time too.

To continue to build this website, I knew I needed to take a breather from it and really research, and it has done me good.

Trying out new and different things, has helped like, for example I did have a Mind Management page on my Carriesrealworld website, but I just didn’t feel it, I felt it had more presents on this blog website. So all my Self confidence videos will now be on this website.

Taking some time out from this blog site has helped to be able to add more to the blogs on this site. Learning from others and being inspired is what I truly love. Not copying that is an entirely different thing altogether, but inspired by how easy it can be once you learn how to address certain emotions and challenges that come your way.

I have experienced financial challenges recently, but I know this is just for now and it will change. When I hit a bump in the road it makes me “STOP”, “LOOK”, and “CHANGE”. That is what we need to do when challenges come our way to take control.

People may say “Well you obviously wasn’t paying a attention to what you were spending”. Well actually I was. I knew where that money was going. I do a budget each month, I do coupon, I do keep my receipts and keep a spreadsheet of my expenses, but I also knew that this would be the last time I would splurge for the year. Now it is back to the drawing board, and save money for this part of the year, as I do have my son’s birthday, aswell as my mum’s and my brothers, then my step dads and my sister-in-law, and then Christmas. I also do have debts to clear still, which I have also been concentrating on.

I am not going to hit myself over the head anymore, I am sick of doing that. Instead I like to reflect and take action. I am pleased with what I bought, it was my birthday and also my husband and I, had to travel to Lincoln for a family funeral, so it wasn’t all on things, but on real important items.

So taking the time out that I had, and with other things that I know has effected my feelings about myself is a good way of looking at those things from the outside. It makes you see where that particular thing needs to be worked on, for there to be that good relationship and for the relationship to continue.

So I am ready to write again, on this website and help more people build their castles to a better life and wellbeing.

Many thanks for reading,

 

Carrie X

 

 

 

Have No Regrets

To help build your self confidence and to feel better about yourself is to stop having regrets about things. What ifs and the if only’s.

Not one person can turn back the clock, but you can change your future. I was a person who looked back and would regret times in my past, but now I see what I can achieve each day by,

1. Looking back and putting my past in perspective, seeing that I have done a lot in my past by breaking it up and really looking deeper into my past. Looking at the good and the bad, and making the happy times and my achievements bigger and the bad memories smaller so I can no longer see these images.

2. Seeing that I can alter the things in my life in a drop of a hat taking myself out of my comfort zone and instead of saying I will one day, I say I will now. I look at what I can do today, tomorrow, in a week, month and within the year.

3. Keeping a journal of all the things that have made me happy each day, to store memories about my son as he continues to grow and develop. Learning how I can help improve my relationships with people close to me. Making sure I spend time with family and friends.

4. How I can help other people and learn from others. Being inspired by other people, so I can inspire people too.

5. Being committed to the people most close to me, my job at work and at home.

6. Making the most of each day. Not putting too much pressure on myself but making sure I do get things done.

7. By being creative and making the most of all the things around me.

8. Know my priorities and to continue building myself as a person.

9. By being ruthless if it isn’t important in my life it goes.

10. By setting myself challenges.

THERE IS NOT POINT TO REGRETS THEY ONLY LEAD TO FEELINGS OF SELF LOATH AND UNHAPPINESS. LOOK AROUND AND SAY TO YOURSELF WHAT CAN I ACHIEVE TODAY? WHAT WILL MAKE ME HAPPY TODAY?

You are worth being happy and to feel good about yourself, you deserve it and go for it. If you want to change your life around and feel better about yourself then do it, because it has to come from within and from no one else.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X

The Fear Of Being Bullied again

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Once you have been bullied you always have that fear of it happening again. Since being a victim of bullying myself I have learned how to spot the signs of a bully by their body language, how they progressively change; do they let the whole world know when you have done something they have not been happy with? Or told everyone around them when your backs been turned and purposely not done something and blamed you for the mistake or something they were supposed to do but didn’t?

They may put on a front at first and be all nice to you, but as soon as you start settling in at school or work, the behaviour and character starts to waiver and change. They may start by nit picking on things, by commenting on your personal image, they may start to act different in front of certain people when they are talking to you; do they pull faces as they are speaking you?

It doesn’t matter whatever level the person is, weather it is a school pupil, another colleague or if you feel a teacher or a manager is coming across as aggressive, confrontational as if they want to intimidate you then this can be the beginnings of a bully’s behaviour. If you come across anyone starting to make you feel isolated, spreading rumours or making you feel uncomfortable then you have the right to speak out and take action.

Let the bullies know you are not going to stand for the way they are being towards you, or rise to their level of abuse or wrong behaviour. You do not have to sit their in silence and you do have the right to tell them, that they are being wrong and you wish to do a good job but their behaviour towards you is effecting you from doing a good job, and if it continues you will take action to stop it from happening.

Here is a blog I am subscribed to which also talks about bullying, from someone who has also been targeted by bullies.

https://bullyinglte.wordpress.com/author/aeisenbe/

It also has tips on how to handle someone who is bullying you.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X

Tips for those who are being bullied

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If you are a victim of bullying then have no fear, and please you deserve to be treated with respect by people and no one has the right to bully you.

It can have a massive impact on someone’s confidence, I know I have been there and I am so glad I did fight back and I didn’t allow it to control my life. You must not allow it to control yours either.

The way of stopping these bullies is to close the barrier on them and report what they are doing, otherwise if it isn’t you, it is more than likely to happen to someone else. Bullies usually will have issues of their own, which is no excuse and for them to understand that what they are doing is unacceptable you have the right to stand up to them. An easy way is to say “No you will not treat me this way” and take action by reporting it to your teachers or to your employer.

See my directory of websites set up to help those who are a victim of bullying or you know someone in your family or a friend who is being bullied. The thing about bullying it can upset the people around you too, as they can fill helpless and they want to fight back on your behalf but they worry because of the worse implications on you. They wish to protect you, but don’t want to make things worse.

See link of this Directory https://everyonecanbuildacastle.wordpress.com/related-sites/

So please fight back. I would encourage anyone who has been a victim of bullying to talk about it as it is the only way we will make people, schools, the communities, and companies know what it is going on, and more action needs to be taken.

Please see link to a page where I have put a link to an example of a bullying Policy which is your evidence to say to your school, college or company that “I am being bullied and it states in this, the action that will be taken when bullying is reported, and so I wish to do that and I wish for it to stop”.

Fight back at bullying

Many thanks for your time, and for reading,

Carrie X

Boundaries

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When I first wrote this in my notepad I thought about this when watching Celebrity Big Brother where Perez Hilton began to be what I perceived to be sexually explicit in the Big Brother garden, and it did shock me and disgust me.

It made me think is this crossing a boundary?

I know there will be those reading this, saying “That’s an understatement”, but everybody’s perception of boundaries are different as everyone has a different set of boundaries. There are the good boundaries which you know you fear but you also know that once you’ve taken the courage to cross that good boundary it will make you feel like you have accomplished an ultimate achievement in your life.

Then there are the bad boundaries which you know if someone crosses it will influence how you view them and if you would like this person in your life or not.

Is it important to set boundaries?

Yes the ones that you know will effect your day in a negative way and will cause offence to other people around, are the ones you know will loose your respect for that person crossing that bad boundary and you will no longer see them in a positive light anymore. It is important we let a person know if they have gone too far, it is not always the case of walking away and ignoring them.

When watching that episode of Celebrity Big Brother, I thought, does Perez have any boundaries?

At first I thought after that activity he did in the garden (those who have been watching will know what I am referring to) he can’t have. However watching a couple of episodes afterwards where Katie Hopkins was being I think quite childish towards him trying to isolate him and bring him down, I realised he does.

He knows when someone has gone to far and crossed one of his boundaries which caused him to get upset. I do think both are playing a game in the Celebrity Big Brother house, Katie Hopkins as much as I detest her, I do find her fascinating because she is playing a very clever game. I know some will differ from this opinion, but I really think she is.

However even she has boundaries, which I can clearly see and it can cause clashes, but you should stand up to someone if they do cross one of your boundaries. The way she does it is by giving a comment which causes alarm and I see she knows that too, she knows what will create more a shock reaction (i.e. Crossing some of the house mates boundaries) but there is another way, just saying “That is out of order” then explaining why can be enough, you don’t have to be confrontational, and a lot of CBB is edited for us at home, it wouldn’t be seen as good TV if everyone was getting on and being nice to each other, that is why they select different personalities, they know there will be  clashes from people in the group.

If you watch clearly you can see each of their boundaries and what each celebrity sees as a good boundary and a bad one to them. I think even opting to go into the CBB house is a boundary and can be a good or bad experience.

Writing about this it made me think about mine

What are my own boundaries?

Referring to the definition of boundaries:

Sourced from Wikipedia

Personal boundaries – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Personal boundaries are guidelines, rules or limits that a person creates to identify for themselves what are reasonable, safe and permissible ways for other people to behave around him or her and how they will respond when someone steps outside those limits.

– If I know someone is being spiteful and rude for no reason.
– Mental and physical abuse which I suppose is related to the above.
– Dishonesty, people not being truthful.
I am no way perfect, I have and had my moments where I have behaved which others have seen as negative and wrong, and they have pulled me up on it. I am sure many of us have, but it is how you learn from them that matters. You can either continue to behave badly which ends up upsetting you and the people around you; or take responsibility and make sure you change this negative behaviour so you feel better about yourself and others on how they perceive you.
This is why having boundaries are important because it helps you learn about yourself and others to create more positive feelings in your life and theirs too.
Many thanks for reading,
Carrie X

Chasing Dreams

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Lets begin with a question.

If there is one thing you have always dreamed of doing and you knew you couldn’t fail at getting to achieve that dream what would it be?

I would like you to just think about that question for a second before you read on.

To get to achieve the things you would like you have to first of all think about your priorities.

What are your main priorities that you need to maintain in your life?

For me my priorities are:

– Being a mum and looking after my son.

– To provide for my family and support my husband

– To look after our home, and create a foundation to help us save towards a new home our dream home.

– To continue to look after myself and help those who need help and support more

What do I want to do that will help keep those things together, but will help me to focus on the things I want?

My dreams,

– To work from home so I can spend time with my son through his most important time of his life.

– Work Part-time to help support my husband, to go towards the things our son needs,  and things we need to keep our home in order, clean and tidy; whilst I work towards and fund my dreams to having a successful career and be a successful housewife.

– To have a career as a writer, create projects using my coaching skills to help further to build people’s confidence and helping communities who are in more need than me.

– A better financial situation for myself.

So far I have achieved 4 things. I now am working from home voluntarily as a blog writer and published my first book last year, and since first writing this blog, I have written my first ever novel “A Lonely Walk to Happiness” available at http://www.amazon.co.uk 

And I am now writing my third book and this year got my first freelance writing job. Writing for someone else.

I coached a local youth football team, 2 in fact and now want to use that to eventually help people in communities to build better life skills and use sport and fitness like it did for me to form better relationships with people through learning about team work and to help support families in need and help to build their confidence about themselves.

I then began making Vlogs to help people who have self confidence issues on YouTube and I already do fundraising through doing charity runs and walks. My Youtube channel has grown since first writing this blog, and now share part of my world in videos too. Sharing my life as a working parent and my many interests, and loves.

My Youtube channel is: https://www.youtube.com/user/cazzacheers1

I have been working part time for 2 years now.

There is still a lot I need to put into achieving the rest, but I know with my persistence, strength and beliefs I will do all the things on my current dreams list.

What helps me to achieve the things I want is by visualising. I imagine that I have already achieved the goal, what I felt, my appearance, the colour of the image, how I am dressed, standing and what I can smell, to make me feel as is it has actually happened. Visualising dreams can help you see clearly what it is you want. There is no point getting into a car without knowing where you want to go. You should always have a destination.

Visualising your dreams will help to train the brain to send those positive signals, that produce endorphin’s that give you excitement, happiness, peace and belief. When you see the image of the dream you want to create for real, write it down into your dreams book (or whatever notebook you use).

In the picture what is it you see?

How did you get there?

When a castle was built it would have taken many men, but it would have been from one persons visualisation that helped create it into reality. It would have been from an image in someone’s mind to create the picture of the castles you see on our lands today. It would have taken weeks and months, probably several years to build, but it took ones persons image to produce that dream for real. They may have had to tweak or change the original image as it was being built, due to the land, the materials used and any laws they had back then to when they were built but it would have been from one persons imagination to begin with to create that structure. They would have had to draw it out, describe it to their fellow men, and they may not have agreed or even may have had to convince people of building these magnificent attractions which still sit on our lands today. However these magnificent creations did become a reality, and were built and completed no matter what challenges were faced.

Castles are made up of pieces put together to create a frame and structure so it stands correctly so it doesn’t fall down. I bet there were days when they first started, where they began to have doubts when creating such huge landmarks.

Doubts are normal they are what helps us to weigh up the pros and cons, but what you need to do is not allow the doubts to hold you back. Address the doubts, what is that is saying are you sure? Ask yourself what if someone else takes that dream you want away from you, how would that make you feel?

  • Do you want to be the best at what your already currently good at now?
  • Or do you want to do something completely different?
  • How would you feel if someone else tried to take your ideas you have worked on to build their life?
  • If you want to do something completely different would you be willing to start from the beginning again, at the bottom to work your way back up to the other path you wish to take on, in your life?
  • Going back to the question I asked at the beginning, if you knew you couldn’t fail at achieving the dreams you want what would it be? What steps would you take?
  • What are your main priorities?

The people or things in your life that you would put your neck on the line for and you are not willing to give up, those are the priorities to help you give yourself and them the life you want and to make your life and theirs even better.

Why do I want to do the dreams I have chosen?

The most important people in my life are my son and husband. I want to support my husband emotionally, to help bring up our son and financially.

The important thing in my life is my home where I live with my husband and son.

I want to help build a better life and future for myself, but also for my son and husband. I want to give my son the best start in life, but also invest in his future, should he want to take up a sport, or other interest and when he is a lot older if he wants to go onto college and university. Those choices that my son will make in his life I want him to be able to make without worrying about money. I am not saying that we will give our son everything he wants as I do think it is important that we still teach him the value of money and if there is something he wants he has to earn it and getting somewhere and being success includes putting in hard work. If he is naughty then we won’t be giving him what he wants. However I want to invest money that will help my son should the worst thing happen and I am no longer able to be there for my little boy.

I know that there is more out there for me but I have got to put the time, focus and commitment in for me to get to see what else I can have in my life. The same for yourself you can have the things you want in life but you have got to earn, commit, keep focus and not allow any challenges stand in your way.

Think about these words Earn it, keep it and invest it.

Set out your dreams, visualise and plan. Know your priorities and take on any challenges and doubts, address your doubts use these to push you on. Know where you want to go think about being in a car and as your driving you are  watching your life play out from your current life to your future, where do you want to be, what do you want to be doing, who do you want to be there?

You may on your way have to turn off as like life there may be a closed road or something may have occurred and so you are now needing to choose a different direction, but there will always be another route, and if you really want to get to that dream and the thing you have always wanted then you will get there.

I wish you good luck and never stop believing in yourself.

Many thanks for reading,

 

Carrie X

Feeling good about yourself

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Low self esteem isn’t something you are born with but is something that is triggered by someone or something, it can lead to other psychological problems. In terms of myself it was,

  • Comparing myself to others
  • Bullying
  • Not feeling comfortable when my body began to change as I became a teenager

It took me a while for me to accept myself, and even struggled when I got married and wouldn’t watch my wedding video or pictures of myself at my mums wedding because of the way I felt about myself. I knew I couldn’t continue to feel this way, and so I began to make changes in my life, as I didn’t want to look back in my 70’s should I reach that age, knowing that all I did is feel bad about myself. The changes had to come from me. To do that I began learning from others using tools and exercises to get in touch with my positive feelings and side of the brain. Instead of wanting to do something I started to do it, such as exercise and taking up walking long distances and running.

I got back into writing and blogging, where I did another blog about building self confidence which was called Building self confidence- Feeling like the ugly duckling. I began to educate myself about food, as I needed to change the way I saw food and my relationship with it. I had to take myself out of my comfort zone, and do things that I have always thought “I would love to do that one day” to “I am going to do that”. I remember one May in 2006 watching the London Marathon and thinking instead of saying I will do this one day I am going to do it, and I applied for the 2007 London Marathon, however didn’t manage to get a place, but I have been trying ever since. I had to stop running for a while when I became pregnant, however I have not stopped wanting to do this and I hope to finally get to do the Virgin London Marathon in the next couple of years.

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I have since done other events, and still do them even after having my son and completed a Personal Best last in July 2015, when I did the British London 10K which I also did the year after, and completed another Personal Best. In the same year of completing the London 10K the second time, I then in September of 2016, took on the Royal Parks Half Marathon.

Exercise has become my therapy and my love for walking has grown even stronger, it is so good for the mind and clearing out your thoughts and have done walks for charity and each year, doing the London Bridges walk for Garden House Hospice.   

This year 2016 on the 10th September I completed a 25KM walk, to take on the Thames Path Challenge. 

I started off when I had a day off from work in the week because I was working at the weekend I would go for walks around London and walked one day from Wimbledon to Tower Bridge, and I used to when I worked in Kingston, walk from Kingston to Wimbledon and then Kingston to Epsom.

The walks weren’t always easy, there were hurdles sometimes in the way, diversions, or under passes which I am dubious about walking through and toilet breaks, fatigue can set in so you have to boost up your hydration and energy levels, but when I saw the finishing line, example when walking to Tower Bridge it gave me such a boost and looking back now it was like travelling through life.

Life has many paths and tunnels, and it is the paths and tunnels we choose to take that will help us to take the next stage in our lives. There will be challenges, and hurdles. However if you focus on the goal you want and take on the challenges, but continue to be determined and committed you can achieve the things you want in your life that will help you feel good about yourself and will help bring you happiness.

  • It is OK to say I want to change the way I look, but ask yourself why?
  • What is the real reason why you want to make this change?
  • Is it because of someone else or for yourself?

Asking the right questions will give you the right answers.

I knew the reason why I wanted to get fit was because I wanted to change the image I saw in the mirror by changing my lifestyle, getting in touch with my thoughts and produce the endorphin’s I needed. It did help me smile and realise what I could accomplish and what I do like about myself.

I have legs that can help me achieve goals that I never thought I could, a mind that can create ideas, hands that can help me to be creative and write and can use to exercise too, such as weight lifting. I have learned too cook new meals, met new people, I have been told I have a wonderful smile and people get a buzz from me when I am fully enjoying myself and happy

Another key thing in building yourself self confidence about yourself is learning to see why you have the family you do and what they see, and your friends’ Why you bring happiness to them?

When you feel negative that is all you see, you don’t see the positive. You will always focus on the negative “I don’t feel good about myself” so you need to change the view you are seeing. See what people see in you, take yourself out of you to see the good within you.

Watching This Morning yesterday they had The Speakmans on who specialise in Schema Conditioning Psychotherapy they were helping people who were lacking low self-esteem and they did an exercise where by they asked a couple of women who were suffering from low self-esteem to look at themselves in the mirror and tell them what (The Speakmans) they saw and thought about themselves. As these women were talking, Eva Speakman wrote down and got a stranger to read back to these ladies of what they thought about themselves.

Then they asked the ladies to think about the person who they loved and who loved them back what they would say about them and again Eva Speakman wrote this down and got them to read these comments back to themselves and then look at themselves again. Doing this exercise made them refocus their thoughts and get in touch with their positive side of the brain.

That is what you need to do is change your focus by doing these types of exercises and making lifestyle changes, writing down how you feel, looking at a time when you did feel happy about yourself or of a memory that makes you smile, expand that image and play it in your head as if it is a movie.

What was it back then that made you feel good about yourself or makes you smile? Write about this down.

Also as talked about in my first blog put all these in your dreams book or whatever you choose but in something you know you will keep and look back on, so when the negative thoughts creep back in, you can look at the positive images that you wrote about and remind yourself, you are beautiful and are special.

Creating a better image of yourself and thinking about what makes you happy, will help you to change the way you see yourself, and plan to get the life you want, and to look the way you want. You can feel good about yourself without making drastic changes, and if you want to make a change then you have the power to do so.

You just have to believe in yourself and go through what you do love at the moment about yourself and your life. Making a lifestyle change, learning to get in touch with your brain that sends you positive signals will help you to begin your journey into feeling good about yourself.

Please see ITV.com of the exercise The Speakmans did to help build self-esteem and I will be in my next blog writing about other tools, other changes and materials I have used to help feel good about myself.

I do not expect that the exercises and materials will work for everyone, however I know that they have helped me and can help others too.

Many thanks for reading,

 

Carrie Challoner

What is this all about?

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This blog is to help those to thrive and build better confidence in their lives, who may have experienced bullying or have body confidence issues, mind issues, such as anxiety, have been scammed and now feel unprotected, and trying to give tips and advice on what I have learned dealing with these demons too.

I give help and advice on how to fight back on all issues, not allowing passed experiences, mind issues or body confidence issues, to hold you back from living your life. I provide blogs on how to rebuild yourself after being bullied as the after math of being bullied can be hard after your confidence being knocked by the people or group responsible.

I called it Everyone Can Build A Castle, because it is basically a symbolism that everyone can be have a fulfilling life, be successful in life and have their dreams come true. Making changes and altering their thought processes.

The first castles built were in the Norman times, and remember back then they wouldn’t have had the resources we had today, and so would have taken a team of people, who worked day and night to create these historic buildings on our lands.

You can have your own castle too, by creating what is meaningful around you, that brings you wellness, happiness, and what gives you strength.

Think about the walls of a castle and within those walls is your symbolism of what you want from each of those walls in your life, do you want a family of your own? a career? an expensive car? travel around the world?

WELL YOU CAN, ANYONE CAN. So imagine those things, imagine that the family you want is standing right in front of you, the career you would like, the expensive car you want and an image of you travelling around the world.

Write about that image you see, what are the colours, who is there with you, how are you feeling in this picture, or when you see the car you want or you doing the career you want, put the image in an envelope and leave it beside your bed or on a shelf in a draw so you can look back at it. Or put it in a photo frame as a pretty display so it reminds you of your goal.

Create a mind inspiration board of all the things you would like.

The next step is TAKE ACTION. Take control of what you choose to do next to help you towards your goal.

A = allow your imagination run and again have a special notebook, call it the dreams book or whatever title you want. Every time you think about what you like in your life to be like write about it, and see if it matches or has changed since the one you wrote before.

C = come up with a plan of how you will achieve the things you want in your life.

T = Time. give yourself a deadline of when you want the things on your plan to be done by.

I = Imagine yourself in a years time, what would you want to achieve? 2 years, 3 years, etc again write it down in your dreams book.

O = Once you have come up with your plan, deal with the things that keep holding you back and write them down.

N = Never say never, as anything is possible, just keep believing and lets start making that goal or dream come true.

I found making just one lifestyle change such as exercising, learning all the time, changing my appearance has helped to accept myself and have better wellness. I love the people and things I have in my life now. I have had my struggles but the one thing I have told myself I will not allow myself to feel, is low, but be more fulfilled and to be determined.

In order to win the fight against what life hands out you, you have to fight the fight, and look at the good things that are already around you and build each day to make it even better.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X